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x_icedtea_x
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Name: x_icedtea_x
Gender: Female
Interests: I <3 GOD.
I <3 my church girls.
I <3 my school buddies.
I <3 Kdramas and Tdramas. :]
I <3 singing.
I <3 jazz.
I <3 piano.
I <3 drawing.
I <3 sweets.
Jesus told his disciples, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)
Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that He will.
Occupation: "I am not a student who happen
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/22/2005
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| The title says it all.
I need a job.
Seriously, I spend so much in college now, on groceries, bills, and SHOPPING. Oh my goodness, shopping. I blame Ricky for my newfound shopping addiction, I can't seem to get over the excitement of ordering something online, and then receiving a package in the mail. It's like buying and sending yourself a gift! Shopping in real life is fun too, but part of the excitement of shopping online is not knowing what the item will actually look like, whether it will fit well, and whether you will like it or not. I guess it kind of sucks when it turns out that you don't want it, but the anticipation of it all is just so exciting! And I feel like I don't feel as bad when it's online, because by the time the item arrives, I would have already forgotten the amount of money that I spent for it. Online shopping, or just shopping in general, is too addicting.
Which is why I need a job. It's not that I can't afford what I buy, but just that I feel guilty that I am spending money that I receive for allowance. I mean, yeah, the money is given to me to spend on whatever I want- which includes the groceries, bills, and any other fees, but I don't know, it doesn't feel right because I didn't really earn this money. Plus, my tuition and everything else is already being paid for by my mom, so I feel like rather than splurging the extra money she gives me on useless shopping, I should try to save up for more important things in the future. But then sometimes the thought gets to me, and I think, maybe I shouldn't save too much, because what happens I just died tomorrow? Plus, the point of having money is to spend it. As long as I have some saved up, I can spend the rest, right?
As much as I'd like that idea, it still doesn't feel right. If I earn the money and spend like crazy with it, then fine, at least it's my money that I earned. I have the right to spend it however I'd like. But if it's money my mom is giving me, it's just different, it's meant to be spent on necessities and not little luxuries for myself. And I think also just the idea that I've never had an actual job before makes me feel like I'm too spoiled. Plus, I think getting a job will teach me to appreciate money more, after having to work for it. (Actually, I did have an under-the-table job before. I think I just feel more accomplished spending money that I earned. Because then it's like, I worked hard for it, I deserve to spend it! Haha.)
Anyway, yeah. So I'm trying to look for jobs here in Davis, but it's so hard! Education related jobs, I mean, since I do want to be a teacher (experience + money = killing two birds with one stone!) I just applied to some tutoring center- literally, I applied right now, so I hope I'll be able to hear from them. If not, I need to find a summer job or something. Ahhh! Or an internship, because though earning money would be nice, I think gaining related experience is more important right now.
But yeah, just what has been on my mind. I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm not studying, haha! I'm going to shower and sleep and finish studying tomorrow, the test is at 6pm so I'll have some time. Also, I have been having crazy weird dreams lately, but I'll spare you all from hearing about it, some of them are quite disturbing. One of them involved Grant turning Ricky, Derek, and Jeff into zombies. And then they were all after me, because after they turned into zombies, they needed to mate. Yeah. NOT A GOOD DREAM. | | |
| SO, as many of you may know (whoever still reads this blog), I am giving up Facebook and AIM for lent. Today was my first full day, and wow, it was harder than I thought. Giving up Facebook isn't that bad for me, but I think giving up AIM is. It's practically my connection to the world! It's how I talk and keep in touch with people! But I will do it. And I am guessing that without Facebook and AIM, I will be blogging more. So watch out! Or maybe I'll just blog at my secret blog that no one knows about. We'll see. | | |
| my 40-something year old uncle plays wow.
brother: do you have a ps3?
uncle: no.
brother: do you still play video games?
uncle: no. i play world of warcraft.
everyone: HAHA what??
sister: you have to pay to play that game!
uncle: yeah it's like 50 cents a day.
auntie: yeah he even stays up to play games.
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| I just calculated my grocery spending costs for last month, and I spent $77 on groceries. What the!? How did it add up to that much!?
Anyway, on a brighter note, I just wanted to share a conversation I had just recently with the first guy I dated.
Him: Are you trying your hardest and not doing well?
Me: I could be doing better, it has just been hard with the whole breakup and all.
Him: Why? I thought you guys still liked each other.
Me: No, we're not talking anymore. He didn't have any intention of pursuing me anymore, and he's already flirting with another girl. Which by the way, I'm sorry I moved on from you so quickly. I don't know what I was thinking jumping into another relationship like that, I think it was kind of rebound.
Him: It's okay. Seriously, I think I understand how you felt back then. Trying to replace someone with someone. Sorry about that.
Me: Huh? I don't get it.
Him: Basically, I get why you moved on so fast.
Me: Oh, but why are you saying sorry?
Him: Because it's my fault that caused you to be in this situation.. I guess. I don't know.
Me: Haha, you're ridiculous. It's not your fault. It was my own mistake for not really thinking things through.
He had the right to be upset at me for inconsiderately moving on from him so quickly, and he could have easily rubbed it in my face that now I know what it's like to have someone move on from me so quickly, but he didn't. Instead, he understood how I felt at the time, and even apologized for causing me to rebound which led to me getting hurt again. It just kind of humbled my heart. I thought about it.. I, of all people, should understand why this recent ex-boyfriend of mine would feel the need to move on from me so quickly, and how he must be feeling. And instead of being upset at him, I should be the one saying sorry that I've made him feel this way, and hoping it won't cause him future heartache. I mean, how can I have the right to be upset if I did the same thing before? But I've learned my lesson, and I'm finally moving on from this all for good.
No more rebound, no more playing around, no more "harmless flirting". That stuff really just went all bad. I want my life to be as pure and God-centered as it can be. And perhaps if one day God sends me a companion.. we'll just see when the time comes, haha.
On a final note, I am currently reading "Desiring God" by John Piper, recommended to me by my buddy Chris. It talks about finding happiness and enjoyment in God. So far, it seems quite interesting. Join me! :)
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| Yesterday, a man stepped to me, he said,
"How can you smile when your world is crumbling down?"
I said, "Here's my secret, when I wanna cry,
I take a look around and I see that I'm getting by."
Sounds of Blackness - Hold On
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